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This wouldn't have happened back in my youth... They wouldn't have landed a single hit on me. Ah, to be back in my prime again...

–Crumblejon reminiscing on his days as a Samurai.

Crumblejon is a Unique Recruit found in Mongrel. His dialogue consists mostly of you pestering him, with him getting annoyed and refusing to join your squad.

According to dialogue, especially between him and Luquin, Crumblejon was a former Samurai in the United Cities, famed as the "White Ripper" around the time when Luquin was first captured. He was heavily favoured by the nobles, who apparently found him "exotic".

Unfortunately, time has not been kind to the once-feared Samurai. After his master died, he was left as an old Ronin, drifting the lands unwanted until he decided to retire in Mongrel. He is now known as "Crumblejon" on account of his crumbling bones, and he has become unnaturally stooped and shrunken. However, a trip to the local Surgeon may remedy this...

It is possible to get him to accept your request at no cost. He will also attempt to convince female members of your squad to give him a massage.

Crumblejon will also reveal that he has a wife, although they have been estranged for a substantial period of time.

Crumblejon's exact age is unknown, but he claims to be at least 45 years old. He also boasts that he had been killing Ninjas while most characters were in their mothers' wombs.

They wear no armour and have weapons manufactured by Ancient.

If he dies or is already recruited a generic sword for hire will spawn.


Attributes Level
Strength 24
Toughness 10
Dexterity 0
Perception 1

Combat Skills Level
Melee Attack, Melee Defence 10
Dodge, Martial Arts 0

Weapon Skills Level
Blunt, Hackers, Heavy, Katanas, Polearms, Sabres 10

Ranged Skills Level
Turrets 10
Crossbows 1
Precision Shooting 10

Thievery Skills Level
Stealth, Lockpicking, Thievery 0
Assassination 0

Athletic Skills Level
Athletics, Swimming 10

Science Skills Level
Field Medic 0
Engineer, Robotics, Science 1

Trade Skills Level
Weapon Smith, Armour Smith, Labouring, Farming, Cooking 1

Stats randomize by 0
The Statistics here are taken from FCS. Skills will be multiplied by the racial multiplier. Players should also be aware that non-player characters also level up while fighting.


Captured by Cannibals[]

Crumblejon: "Fuck."
Crumblejon: "I'm too old for this dog shit."

Crumblejon: "Fuck."
Crumblejon: "Really, I'm too old and sinewy. You don't want to eat me..."
Crumblejon: "You'll kill me, cook me up, take a bite and spit me right back out..."
Crumblejon: "... You can't even understand what I'm saying, can you?..."
Crumblejon: "FUCK."

Being Healed[]

Some Things Should Not Be Revealed[]

Crumblejon: "That was a close one. My wife would be worried..."
Crumblejon: "Speaking of which... should probably go find her at some point really... I'm sure she's found someone else to warm the bed in my absence..."
Interjector: "Wait, you've got a wife?!"
Crumblejon: "Of course. It's not a problem though, we have an open relationship, see..."
Crumblejon: "I'm sure she's found someone else to warm the bed in my absence..."
Interjector: "... Too much information, old man. Too much information."

The Cruelty of Time[]

Crumblejon: "Hnnngh, my bones hurt..."
Crumblejon: "Reach fourty five and you feel pain you never would have thought even existed..."
Interjector: "Wait... fourty five?! You look over a hundred!"
Crumblejon: "Guess that's what I get for not wearing my straw hat in the desert..."

Luquin Banter[]

Luquin: "Still can't get used to all this open space, you know..."
Luquin: "I remember you... The White Ripper."
Luquin: "Time hasn't been kind to you."
Crumblejon: "You either. You look like gutter shit."
Crumblejon: "I remember them parading you through the streets of Heng..."
Crumblejon: "You were just a boy. What was that... 10, 15 years ago?"
Luquin: "I was tortured and starved in prison for 15 years... It takes its toll..."
Luquin: "Ha. What's your excuse?"
Crumblejon: *sigh*